Its been an interesting month so far. In the space of a few weeks, things have shifted ever so slightly – with the arrival of the cats, with the way I’ve been feeling starting to lift, slowly, as if the falling of the leaves brings something new. I’m still stuck in my slump, but I’m unpeeling myself and I know that every little step is a good one. The cats remind me of autumn – Chocolat’s burnished black, red and brown fur and Marmalade’s red stripes so much like a darting bonfire. I’m coming to terms with how I’ve been changed a little by the sadness we’ve all been through, that if anything, it is the knocks in life that build character and help you reflect on the good and the everyday small wells of happiness.
I’m starting to focus much more on all the crafting, planning and decisions Dan and I have to make for our wedding next year, and things are coming together. We got most of the big things sorted out earlier this year – the venue, the photographer, the flowers, starting the process of my dress (a family member is making my dress – she has her own dressmaking and designing business), sending out the invites, and so on. We already have a theme/design theme and with the bits and pieces we’re making and buying, we’re going to be busy over the next four months. In October, we’re going up to York for a last visit before the day itself, so we’re basically meeting the photographer again for a pre-wedding shoot, going for a food tasting, and meeting the cake-lady, as Dan calls her. We’re also popping up to Edinburgh for a couple of days for the kilt-fittings.
There are parts of this that stress me out a little bit – there are a few decisions that could keep me up at night, but I’m trying to enjoy the process rather than turn it into a huge stress-party. In that spirit, I’ve realised there are 6 days left in September, and rather than slumbering the next few days away, I want to instead wake myself up by doing 6 things that will keep the momentum going into October.
- Complete the start of that major crafting project you’ve started for the wedding (it involves Papier-mâché).
- Finish reading at least two books.
- Do all that washing and tidying up you’ve been neglecting (boring but necessary to move on).
- Write a journal entry each day.
- Finish at least one short story you started this summer.
- Plan your next big venture in the world of retail and crafting.
So six things for six days – hopefully they’ll help me to move on and wake up my enthusiasm again. Everyone needs a kick-start every now and then. I know they don’t seem like huge things, but I think that’s the point – sometimes you don’t need huge things to get yourself moving again, you just need to start doing things and finish them. Finishing things has often been my Achilles heel, especially when it comes to writing short stories. I know that I’m waking up when I can see myself forming projects in my mind and that I actually want to get started on them.
“One of the strangest things is the act of creation.
You are faced with a blank slate—a page, a canvas, a block of stone or wood, a silent musical instrument.
You then look inside yourself. You pull and tug and squeeze and fish around for slippery raw shapeless things that swim like fish made of cloud vapor and fill you with living clamor. You latch onto something. And you bring it forth out of your head like Zeus giving birth to Athena.
And as it comes out, it takes shape and tangible form.
It drips on the canvas, and slides through your pen, it springs forth and resonates into the musical strings, and slips along the edge of the sculptor’s tool onto the surface of the wood or marble.
You have given it cohesion. You have brought forth something ordered and beautiful out of nothing…” – Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration.