Small Journal #5: Cold Snap

A cold snap has arrived this week, with temperatures dipping under 0°C in the London area in the evenings. It’s the last day of Nano Poblano this year and I’m a little sad I haven’t been able to participate fully this year.

My cold turned into a cough and mild chest infection late last week, so I’ve been trying to just rest the best I can and move through the stresses of current life without burning out. I had a chest infection in June this year too (I tested for Covid both times but despite testing negative still have some suspicions about why I’ve been so unwell this year).

I don’t know if I really want to talk much about how we’ve normalised the amount of viruses and Covid-reinfections despite the very real risks of long-Covid and post-viral chronic illness. I know that I’m immunocompromised and it fills me with a kind of quiet alarm that I’ve seen with my own eyes the way we’ve somehow normalised being ill all year around.

It’s definitely *not* a normal barometer of societal health. The research does point to SARS-Cov-2 damaging people’s immune response long-term at the very least, if not causing a whole host of other chronic illnesses, amongst them severe ones such as ME and CFS, to name a few. It’s horrifyingly interesting to note that simple measures like masking, ventilation, and air purifiers are not common, and where they are used, are often questioned, despite the host of documentation and studies noting their usefulness in combating a wide range of airborne viruses.

Our public health education has fallen woefully short in educating us about how the immune system works (read this brilliant article that likens it to a sack of snakes), that Covid/SARS-Cov-2 is an airborne illness, and that it is not just a cold. Those of us still trying hard to protect ourselves and others by masking and ventilating are just following tried and tested science. But you know, I am tired.

I’ve been ill so often since October last year (I’ve been around a lot of ill people and let my masking slip sometimes, especially around family) that I’ve finally lost track of all the ‘colds’ I’ve had this year (and I now have no idea if one or two of them were another SARS-Cov-2 infection). It’s fair to say that my life has been irrevocably changed by this pandemic, as it has for many of us. I absolutely don’t blame people at all, if anything, I blame our broken governments more concerned with wealth than public health safety.

It’s my birthday on Saturday, and I turn 39. One year until I mark my fortieth year of being on this earth. I’m always a little reflective around this time of year, and December is definitely one of my favourite months. It’s the dreariness dressed up in light, the flavours and the smells, the days drawing in and the cosiness.

I don’t like to stop the lights in January, sometimes we’ve kept our own tree up for longer – it has more of a winter forest decoration than a Christmas one, and besides, I’m not a religious person. I hold the spirit of the season – togetherness, gratitude, hope, and giving, but I’m a humanist if I’d call myself anything. My moral code is very much rooted in human rights, justice, and improving the human condition in whatever ways I can.

However, with this last year of my 30s, I feel like I’m in a better space of self-understanding than I was when I turned 29. My 30s have been incredibly hard for so many different reasons. I now know why I had some of those struggles – being autistic and ADHD – and feel like I’m more equipped to ease some of those difficulties in the coming decade.

Some of the things I’ve been through have been traumatic to say the least, and good therapy has been invaluable. I would like, more than anything, for my 40s to hold a well of creativity, to be a decade of good change. In many ways, what is happening in the world, and seeing courageous people stand up for what is right, has galvanised me so much, despite how heartbreaking this time is. We need sea-change, as we always do, to do better for our fellow human beings.

I’m going to use December to catch up a little on what I’ve missed this month – by going around and reading through other people’s posts and commenting, by answering comments I’ve had here, and also posting a little more than I usually do. Writing these ‘journal’ entries has been freeing – I know that they’re not my best writing or that they’re not as popular, but they’ve given me a kind of looseness that I’ve missed from blogging for some time, so I’ll be keeping this format for occasional posts!