Small Journal #2: In Which I Write From A Car Backseat

Yes, I am writing this from a car backseat, where my avoidance of meeting new people (especially with this much pressure!) and general morning hibernating bear-like attitude has led me.

Our buyer wanted to bring a family member to see the house today so along with the stress of packing for our Scotland trip tomorrow, I had to throw on top running about the house cleaning and tidying up. My parents got back from one of my Mum’s work trips last night so I felt the pressure given that we didn’t have much notice.

I’m in the car because I just don’t feel like peopling today. Last night I almost had an internal meltdown – the grief and frustration of what’s happening in Palestine bound up with the feelings about moving, packing, and also just tiredness and seasonal SAD. I haven’t been that stressed and anxious for a while.

On the plus side, the weather is cold today but the sun is out. I might be sitting in the car with socks and Birkenstocks (I had to leave quickly!), but at least the sun is boosting my mood. And our room at least will be clean and relatively tidy when we get back next weekend.

I keep missing days and needing to catch up. I’m finishing this twelve hours later, when I should be thinking about going to bed, and I’m at least positive that I’ll be in bed by 12.30am. It was wonderful to see the march in London on social media today, and it gave me renewed hope for change despite the continuing blockades, displacement and massacres occurring in Gaza and the West Bank.

This has changed me irrevocably – seeing the way Palestinian people care for and love each other despite the terror wrought by the occupation. They more than deserve peace and to thrive, to have safety and space to grieve and heal. And it’s not as if continuous cycles of violence are good for Israeli people either – I grieve for their losses too. But this genocide is a stain on the humanity of Israel’s government.

There can be no hope of freedom without a ceasefire and international aid, and release of hostages (from both – Israel has hundreds of Palestinian people imprisoned including children). Right now it’s uncertain but the rising tide of this movement means that there is still pressure for a ceasefire.

‘The truth is, no one of us can be free until everybody is free.’

– Maya Angelou.