Slow.

The past week has been exactly that – kind of slow and meandering, the kind of week where nothing much happened, but I got to do a lot of cooking, a lot of decision making, and feel like my routine is starting to change, ever so slightly. My sleeping pattern is still very messed up, but I’m determined to get there and change it by the end of the month. Sometimes it feels like an upward struggle, just trying to get to bed at a reasonable time and actually drift off to sleep. Maybe the problem is that it is such a circular thing – I go to bed way too late, wake up late, kick myself and don’t get much done, then kind of stay up too late again stressing over all the stuff I have to do and attempting to do it.

Maybe I need to be kinder to myself and admit that there will be times when I have late nights, but this does take the biscuit! It might be a combination of things – our room is in two parts so half of it has our desks, the TV, couch, then on the other side in the eaves of the room is the bed and some bookshelves and my dressing table (a hand me down from my Grandma). Having the media in the room is unfortunately an essential, because my Mum has her study and I need the workspace for writing up here. It is making it harder for me to go to sleep though, when I can see all this media and stuff in the same room. A while ago, I considered making a kind of screen or curtain or something like that to partition the room better, but the space is taken up with storage, so I don’t think there’s room. Since it’s an attic conversion, there is plenty of space, but two people have a lot of stuff! Has anyone else had the same problem – and how have you tried to solve it? I’m pretty much in that place where I’m desperate to sort this insomnia out once and for all, because it’s driving me crazy and I need to be able to work better.

Anyway, I know I haven’t been blogging much, and I do think that this month is a bit of a non-starter. January is a bit of a sad month – the pretty lights get put away, the decorations come down, there isn’t much to celebrate and there is a distinct lack of funds. I haven’t been able to afford to go out or do anything much this month, so maybe that is contributing to my SAD. I keep thinking that I should go out more, get out of the house and go for walks – since we actually have a park down the road, and I can just grab a flask of coffee and go exploring. However, tomorrow I’m going to see a show that I’m really excited about, a book I loved as a kid, and still love with all my heart – Matilda. I know its going to be fantastic, and its the first thing I’ve done this month that I’ve been so excited about. I’ll let you know what it’s like!

This post was meant to be Monday Night Inspiration, and sorry it’s turned into a bit of a downer! I’ve got some lovely photos from this week, especially of Flossie – she actually looked into the camera for once. My sister and I also went over to a dear friend’s house to try and help her with an art exhibition she’s setting up for her Art degree, so that was interesting and I’m so looking forward to seeing how it turns out for her. She has some brilliant ideas and I’m inspired by what she’s been doing – she’s focusing on changing and challenging people’s perceptions of size and fat, inspired by self acceptance, challenging the media norms and feminism. I took some photos of my belly for her, as she’s going to be creating a collage of people’s bellies, and she’s done some casts of torsos and videos of people eating.

I’ve surprised myself with my dedication to posting on my 366 Days Tumblr, and also posting the same photos onto my website blog (Fate is Chance. Destiny is Choice.) – I’m getting into photos in a major way this year. I feel the more I get into it, the more I get a feel for portraying my everyday life, for finding the beautiful things in everyday moments.

I hope you have a good week, and that my photos inspire you to make your own beautiful moments…

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.  ~ e.e. cummings, 1955

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