Sometimes in my life, I’ve gone through times when I’ve come up against people I find difficult to get on with. For some reason or another, my usually easy going and friendly personality hits an iceberg or a frantic whirlwind that completely tips me off balance. I’ve had to work with people before who I just don’t get on with, or who misread my intentions and become hostile or defensive. Fair enough; I know that in life, we all meet people or have to work with people that don’t know how to communicate with others or can’t work with others in a calm and productive manner.
It’s just that this time, I am battling a hurricane; someone who just doesn’t want to listen and who has made my job (in this instance) far more difficult. The last week and today has been a constant to-ing and fro-ing of emails, me trying to explain how I feel in the most diplomatic manner possible, and the hurricane either disregarding what I have said or saying that it doesn’t work for her. I have been doing this particular freelance (unpaid) job for almost two and a half years, and it is starting to get to a point where I’m wondering why I’m doing it. To start with, I felt enthusiastic and enthused; I wanted people to be interested in the information I put in the publication. Now it seems that every time is a bit more of a struggle, and a complete lack of communication.
Sure, its great on my CV and its an important source of information for many people, but it is beginning to be more trouble than it’s worth. I feel as if my writing is somehow being pulled apart and scrutinised and then re-written when it was perfectly fine before. Every person who has done this job before me has had their own style, and I feel as if my style is being criticised, without anyone saying anything. I will take constructive criticism – after all, a good writer takes that in their stride. However, I feel paranoid because nobody is saying anything. I felt like after having said how I was feeling, I had to apologise, when it is not my fault. I know when something is my fault, but this time I feel backed into a corner and as though I’m being treated like a child. In this case, a deaf child who needs ‘correcting’ on her writing. Which is bizarre! I feel almost as though I’m an editor in name only, and that the bulk of the work is being given to this particular person, who keeps complaining they have no time. This is why I have been given the editorial responsibility – to ease the pressure on other people!
I’m going to give it one more go, then if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just have to let it go. I’ve got some more exciting projects on the horizon anyway. If you give your free time to something, you expect to be given that particular responsibility, not to have someone else flapping around and complaining they have no time when it is meant to be me who is given the bulk of the work. It’s a shame that things have turned out this way, but at least I’ve got the experience and if it goes wrong, I’ll know that I did my very best.
Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head. ~ Ann Landers
Image from We Heart It under tag ‘Letting Go’.