‘What’s going on?’ Said the World to his Wife. Said the Wife ‘I have nothing to say; for if all this confusion is just an illusion – then you will find out, someday.’ (Lyrics from Chickenshed’s ‘Alice and the Night Before Christmas’).
I had a strange feeling this morning – I couldn’t figure out if it was Sunday or Monday. This is partly because all the days at the moment seem to bleed into each other, and I’m starting to feel a bit frustrated about it. Another reason is probably because my partner is working almost every day – even yesterday on Sunday – with his Dad’s gardening business. So some days, I know what day it is, whilst on days like today, it feels like it might be Sunday or something. I wonder if anyone else feels like they’re missing a day or two?
I know people must think I like having lie-ins and wearing my pyjamas until 1.30pm; but I always feel terrible when I haven’t woken up early and made the most of each day. Sometimes it’s great having a lie in, and chilling out, but most of the time I feel crap if I stay in bed past 10am. I take so long getting ready, that I get quite frustrated with myself!
Maybe it’s because I spend an inordinate amount of time stopping, and staring into space, deep in thought about something or other. Either that or it’s because I don’t want to end up with liquid eyeliner smeared halfway down my face, so I take about 15 minutes to put my make up on.
Basically, I take up to 20 mins in the bathroom, 10 minutes getting dressed, which involves body lotion, face cream, deodorant, (I put my outfit out before the shower because I like to have things ready…); then drying my hair and doing my makeup and accessorising. Bloody hell, it probably takes about an hour and a half, and I have no idea why it takes so long. Are all the things we women do added on to make us waste meaningful time?
In a sense, I kind of use this time to meditate and think about things too. It’s also almost as if I’m paying attention to my body at this time and becoming more grounded, spending some time with something physical, rather than with my mind. Hummm…mumbo jumbo? You decide…
I’m almost past the point where I feel so homesick that I worry I might burst into tears when I see my parents and sister, and the little kitty cats. I’ve been feeling very sentimental and emotional recently, and I’m sure everyone around me thinks I’m bonkers when I get excited about cats on the telly or something that reminds me of home! I’ve literally been away from home for two months on Wednesday – and even at University I never stayed away from home for that long. I guess it’s like they say – the things you do for love!
Time really does wait for no-one though, because I have a lot to do and I feel as if I keep getting interrupted. It’s probably why most writers find it easier to write very early or very late – less risk of noisy interruptions and life getting in the way. Life sometimes seems like the endless passing of time and it sometimes really is as if you can hear the ticking of a clock or that life is a series of seconds ticking away. That is why the happy and meaningful moments are so important. Even if we only get a small handful of them, they feel like a small indentation in this passing of time. I wish I could make almost every moment count, but maybe those moments that don’t mean much make us appreciate those happy times.
I feel like I’m at a crossroads in a sense; I either go back to not writing and finding some other calling or I can make a big go of it and make the most of my time by writing – something that I’ve always wanted to do. I know it won’t be easy, but like a very wise person said: Nothing worth doing is ever easy.